Why hockey is way better than all other Winter Olympic sports.

Posted: January 29, 2014 in NHL
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The 22nd Winter Games is scheduled to start on Friday, February 7th, in Sochi, Russia. There is always excitement when it comes to the Olympic games, and the closer we get to the Games, the more you’ll see written about it.

Comedian Daniel Tosh mentioned how he hates the Winter Games because it’s a contest of “which country has more rich white kids”, and “who slides down a hill faster”. We all know how exciting the hockey games get, but Tosh has a decent point. Let’s take a look at why I’ll only really care to watch the hockey games.

Biathalon, Cross Country Skiing, Nordic Combined: These are in direct comparison with, say, the marathon. They involve people skiing (with variations on what exactly the contest is) very slowly and deliberately for long, long periods of time. So long, that they switch to other events, and return to one of these, and the race will not have changed. At all. The same dude is miles ahead of everyone, and it’s time to switch to another channel in hope something else is on.

Alpine Skiing, Ski Jumping, Speed Skating: These are actually pretty cool to watch, but it’s the same stuff over and over. One guy skis down the hill and is slightly faster than the guy before him. Another guy skates in a circle at high speeds slightly faster than another guy. Another guy flies farther than the previous one. British TV show Top Gear sent a rocket-powered Mini down a ski jump ramp, and it was awesome. But again, the actual event gets quite repetitive, much like swimming, or any various track/field competitions in the summer.

Bobsleigh, Luge, Skeleton: Who slides perfectly still down an icy tube faster? Granted it’s hard to do, it’s not very exciting, unless you hear the Jamaicans yell out “Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, get on up, it’s bobsled time! Cooooool runnings!”. Let’s be honest, NBC’s bobsled ratings will spike when the Jamaican bobsled team is ready to slide down the slope. The break-neck pace they slide at is wicked, but like the previous category, it gets repetitive.

Figure Skating: Wake me up when someone pulls off an Iron Lotus. Until then, I would rather not watch men in tights, unless it’s Robin Hood.

Curling: Mildly entertaining, because it’s silly to watch people vigorously sweeping ice with a broom. Unless the Norwegians are on, because of their pants. Which are way awesome and I want one.

Freestyle Skiing, Snowboarding: Have you seen the Winter X-Games? Good, because this is the exact same thing, but on a bigger stage with more prestige. It’s cool to see someone doing crazy flips and twists and sometimes fall on their bums. But it’s the same darn thing as the X-Games, which cuts into your valuable ESPN time.

Ice Hockey: It’s become the most anticipated event at the Olympics. For the 2010 Gold Medal game in Vancouver, 80% of Canada reportedly tuned in, and the other 20% was likely at their friend’s houses watching the game. At every hockey game you’ve watched on TV this season, they are talking about who’s gonna make the team. It’s the only sport on this list that really involved political views and entire countries stopped to celebrate, wherever they were. It’s where we believe in miracles.

I know that people still care about the other sports, and I’m cool with that. But let’s be honest here, the only games you will make time to tune in to, will be hockey.

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